Picking at the bloated carcass of geek culture...occasionally!!!

I simply love what you’ve done with your hair

In Movies, Television on August 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday.  My computer was being evil.  I hope some upgraded video card drivers will do the trick.  But enough with the real world, onto the bullshit.  This topic is one that has not occurred to me but, after my wife started talking to me about it, I realized it should have.  This is especially true after watching G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, as this is the most recent offender.  What am I talking about?  Well, it’s the poor combination of long hair and combat situations.

When Peter the Great attempted to modernize and Europeanize his Russian military, one of his simplest innovations was the cutting off of the traditional long beards and hair of the men in the army.  Stray hair and the working of rifles, it seems, were not a good combo.  Creators of geek media, however, often fail to keep this in mind, as Nina has noted.  Much like my problem with people and their tendency to not wear helmets, this is something that she sees everywhere.  Women (the usual culprit) but also men, seem to keep their hair long and in their faces when they should cut it short or at least pull it back.  For instance, in the new G.I. Joe movie, Scarlet and the Baroness are portrayed as women whom count on their ability to aim powerful weapons and get into obligatory fistfights.  I guess they’re so good, however, that vision isn’t important.  Just check out these hair-dos (or should I say hair-don’ts?…No, probably not, actually):

Don't even get me started with their outfits.  It seems the best way to shut them down is to remember the safety word.

Don't even get me started with their outfits. It seems the best way to shut them down is to remember the safety word.

It seems like a stray breeze could end this fight.  I’m not saying they even need to chop off their luxurious locks, though it would be a good idea, but how about a headband, bandanna, or a fucking hat?  These are just the latest offenders.  The Whedonverse (be it Buffy, Angel, or Firefly) do this shit all the time.  Buffy I will excuse because she fights in heeled boots and fuck-me pants.  Clearly she’s too stupid to realize her job would be easier if she took it more seriously.  Hell, I’ll even give River a pass, as she seems to suffer from the kind of mental trauma that makes her a psychic, a kick-ass killer, and a robotic actor.  So the slayer and the space-slayer can perhaps be explained away.  But Zoe?  She should know better.  And don’t get me started on Dollhouse.

I guess the biggest bad-asses in the future are tall, statuesque models too.

I guess the biggest bad-asses in the future are tall, statuesque models too.

I know, I know.  It’s just a movie or TV or whatever.  It’s a visual medium that has to appeal to all kinds of people and its escapist fun and I shouldn’t read too much into it and blah, blah, blah.  But, we also want mainstream people to take us seriously when talk about the quality of our shows and movies but we allow this kind of shit to fly because…I’m not sure.  Say what you want about Battlestar Gallactica, at least Starbuck has a practical haircut and, while we’re on it, a body that more says bulldog than model.  I can appreciate that.

One of the most beautiful women...if you consider that there are only about 30,000 people left alive in this universe.

One of the most beautiful women...if you consider that there are only about 30,000 people left alive in this universe.

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  1. oh man….

    I guess this sort of thing only bothers me when the geek show is trying to sell something that takes itself a little seriously.

    i mean. i’ll be honest. I would be straight pissed if i saw a GI joe movie that didn’t feature the baroness in a ridiculous bondage outfit. In fact, one of my only complaints really with that Ham fisted exercise is that, if EVERYTHING else is so over the top silly, then WHY deprive us of a really corny eastern european accent. seriously, wtf man.
    Yes it’s ridiculous and impractical, but nothing in that movie was meant to be taken seriously. Whedon is a little trickier since he likes to bounce between keeping things really light and then having you think of the situations the characters get in as actually dangerous. Buffy i mean, has impractical clothes and hairdos as part of her origin. I mean, i suppose that was one of the original things that was supposed to be funny. She’s a prissy girly badass, not van helsing. (though the show did in later seasons often show her sporting a pony tail while on patrol)
    Firefly and dollhouse…yeah it gets a bit trickier. I mean, the dolls are clearly supposed to look a certain way depending on their missions. and having actives that are , as you put it statuesque models, seems to be part of the deal. This makes me wonder what they are gonna do with victor now that he’s sporting the snake eyes look(hrm…now THERE’s an idea….you listening whedon??, I want more snake eyes bad assery and GI joe had it’s chace, it’s on you now)

    anyways, this is a ramble fest. Thi seems to be a big gripe with you in general scooter, so i’m asking, what geek fiction(particularly visual) do you think strikes the right ballance between stylized fantasy and realism?

  2. Good point. It should also be noted that it was right about the time BSG started to blow, that Starbuck’s hair started to grow. Coincidence? Probably.

    Also, I’m not sure I understand… Are you trying to say that Zoe ISN’T a supreme bad ass? WTF, Scott? WTF?

    • Over the line, Jon? Maybe. I find myself to be somewhat of a Whedon contrarian. I watch and enjoy the entertainment he produces but find myself being excessively nit-picky with him. This is because I find most geeks give him a bit too much of a free pass. I admit that I overcompensate. Zoe is one of my favorite characters on Firefly. I meant that even a great and believable character like her has to have long, beautiful hair that must take literally hours to clean and style.

      • I get the Whedon nit-picky, he does certain things that bug me, more off-camera, then on… Dollhouse… it just bugs me.

        All I’m saying is… No way could you take Zoey, that’s all. I’m just saying. Even while washing her long, luxurious hair…

      • Hmmm…I could not take Zoe. But you know who could? A cloned Zoe with a shaved head. She is not maximizing her bad-ass potential.

  3. Well, I think what you’re obviously talking about there is actually an evil mirror image of Zoe (men = goatees, women =bald head), in which case, I would still put money on good zoe. You know, Scott? Heart. Thats why.

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